but is it really? i'm starting over. you know, in my head. i'm starting back at one.
i walked 1 mile.
i feel great. arch is kinda sore. if it hurts tomorrow, i will skip the day and go for the next. every other day is great. don't push push push. inner monologue, has got out of control here.
i'm getting smaller. i'm fighting panic attacks about that. i know it's a good thing to get smaller. why am i so nervous about it? i feel like if i'm big, i won't get hurt. that's crap, of course. i've proved that. i've had more than a fair share of hurt in my lifetime. so why do i have a panic attack, when i think of being smaller? helplessness. i was helpless. now, i am not. i can let go of this. i will become stronger and more capable by doing this. i will kick more ass. i will allow people to come in. this is so big sometimes, to think about. letting go of this shit. allowing people to know me. i am becoming. this journey has taught me lessons.. it has allowed me to take a look at my potential.
Let It Be
False starts and re-starts are an inevitable part of the process. If you get back on track today, then today you are back on track - and that is more important than all the beating yourself up and guilt trips you can lay on yourself.
ReplyDeleteRemember, there is a part of us - the self-destructive part that has been given such free reign over the years - that doesn't want to let go of the power it has over us. And it will seek to sabotage our attempts at improvement.
It is sneaky and has access to all our triggers - guilt, cravings, feelings of hopelessness - and it won't fail to use them as soon as we feel the slightest bit vulnerable.
But each day, each hour, you put yourself on track, you weaken it