day 82

3.71 miles in 30:30

for the first time, in quite a while, i'm beginning to feel accomplished with my exercise goals. i had it when i was walking on a regular basis, lost it when my foot got hurt.. now, it's back. i am feeling extraordinary once more. i don't know whether i should or not, i'm still a long way away from my goal of getting to a weight that i feel really good at. i feel good about it right now, because i know if i keep this up, i'll get to that point.

i have actually, written out my essay.. i'm re-reading it, editing it, adding to it and generally fussing over it. not because i want it to be perfect before everyone reads it.. no. i want it to be perfect for me, because it contains very important parts of my life. it is quite literally a reflection of who i am. i want it to be read, sure. but i want to be able to read it and say to myself "yes, that was it, that's how i felt right then." i want to be able to say that when i read it a year from now. i want it to be topical, always. one may think that humans change so much over time, that we may view certain aspects of our lives differently as time progresses. well, yes and no. those things, however, are things that just were and i am quite happy that i can look at them almost objectively now, even though at the time, they were miserable. so i want to represent both the joy and frustration and now the peace that i feel in the piece.

maybe i ask too much. but if it's one thing that i've learned by doing this project. (walking after midnight) it is i tend to meet the expectations that i set for myself. i couldn't say that even 7 months ago.

i am the grueling task master and the obedient slave. i suffer this pain for myself.