day 74

2.10 miles today
I think I've been pushing a little too hard for my next goal. My feet really ache at the end of it, even if I do feel accomplished, I think the wise choice would be to work up to it like I did for the 2 mile goal. I'll get there, I have no doubt, I was nearly there for the last two days. I have to remember that line and keep to it. I don't want to go backwards in healing where my feet are concerned. (I'm justifying this to myself, because I need to) not because anyone who reads these will judge me.

Thank you all for supporting me and cheering me on, it means a lot.

day 73

2.82 miles in 24 minutes

I pushed for that one (ugh)

I'm just so happy that I've gone over my goal for the last 3 days. (this is day 4!! of over 2 miles) Anything over 2 miles would be awesome, I'm closer to hitting my next goal, which is 3 miles a day. Perhaps my mind is just eager for my body to attain comfort. Ultimately, that's what this is about, looking better is a side effect, my true goal is to feel better.

I feel better already, I'm lighter now than I was when I went through pre-surgery weight loss for the bariatric program.

I guess I wasn't ready then. I'm never going to be ready to have part of my stomach removed. That won't heal me, that won't make me better. My mental and emotional health has never been better than it is right now. I'm learning new things about myself every day. I'm learning what my mind is capable of.

I'm forgiving myself and not just coping with what was done to me as a small child, I'm accepting that it happened and allowing myself the grace that it takes to heal from such an ordeal.

I'm starting to be OK with me. It's a great feeling.

day 72

as she shouts, "to hell with 2!" and goes for 3 miles.

2.86 miles in 24 minutes

day 71

2.41 MILES
and Dave sang:

is someone getting the best, the best, the best of you..?

yes. I am.

day 70

2.25 miles today

that's right, over 2 miles.. no rest for the wicked. maybe i should re-do that saying. no rest for the righteous.

i was kind of pissed off when i sat down on ol' El Diablo and cranked up Foo Fighters. i wasn't mad at myself, which is new. and i'm not mad anymore, which is new as well. i tend to dwell on shit a lot. the bike ride kind of drained the irritation right out of me.

this leads me to believe that i'm allowing myself to heal and to change.

i'm still thinking about 3 Wishes.. i told a second friend about it. she had the same reaction as the first person i told. i need to write this. maybe it will help people. i would be thankful if it did. even if it only helps ME, it is still worth writing. that's my new goal.. for the mental side of things. write that out.

day 69

1.68 miles

Yesterday was a splurge day, as far as eating was concerned. I ate 2 VooDoo Donuts..... damn they're Mango Tangos.. Did you know that evil place is open 24 hours?

Today it's back to normal.

day 68

1.71 miles today

I go and go until my feet start aching. It's not as bad as it is when I'm pounding pavement, but it still hurts like a bitch. The only answer to this equation is to get more weight off. I'm balancing on a fairly thin line now, between getting lighter and fucking up my feet to the point that it seriously hurts to walk at all. I hope each day that they will start feeling better, but they seemed to have reached a stalemate, no better, no worse.. they just bloody hurt. Trying to maintain or improve upon that state, gets so frustrating. I just don't know what to do about it anymore, other than keep to the path that I'm on.