day 7

1/4 mile jaunt.. done! 


it's official, i've been at this a week. and when i started, just 7 short days ago, at 1/8 of a mile, i struggled, i ached at the end of it. i had to lay down in bed. my freakin' ovaries hurt, how is that even possible? tonight.. i walked my 1/4 of a mile, i'm sweating a bit, but i feel pretty good.

do you ever think you're over something/someone and then have a dream about it? or them...? i don't understand if this is my brain telling me that i still think about him too often or if i still want him, even though he told me, he's not interested.. flat out, no side discussion. i thought i had dealt with this months ago, when this all happened. i had to abandon the friendship for a while, because it just hurt too much to look at him. this was my fault, i am not blaming him for not wanting a romance. that's his thing. even now, when i think about it. i get this crushing feeling in my chest and a sting in my eyes. i guess that tells me, right there.. that i'm not over it. and when i dream about him, he loves me.

for the first time ever, i know, without a doubt, it has/had nothing at all to do with my weight or the way i look.

this blog is not going to be about that. i just had to get it out, i guess.

my mom always loved to sing this to me, when i was a kid.