day 25

.7 of a mile


there comes a point, when a person has to realize: too much damage has been done. and at that point of realization, walk away from a given situation/friend/loved one and call it quits. no one likes to quit. no one. it doesn't feel great. 


i reached that point with someone on Wednesday. and i kind of lost it (not really, how does a person "blow up" via text message?) if you have ever had the misfortune of being on the receiving end of my temper (when i finally and actually do blow up.. well, it's scary) i'm a relatively tolerant person or i try to be. i also try to be forgiving. you know, turn the other cheek and shit.. 


i tried to re-acquaint with someone who really did me wrong (in the past and not just me, a number of people but i can only speak for myself in this instance.) and Wednesday, it just turned to shit and i realized that i shouldn't be bothering with this person. so.. i'm not anymore.


to be fair. i used something unrelated to fuel my "pissed off" fire and just kind of went off from there. the underlying issue is (as i realized) that i hadn't forgiven him for what he did. funny enough, as soon as i wrecked his day (as he put it) i felt better and i'm not pissed off at him anymore. i don't want to be friends with him either, but i'm not mad about it anymore. i guess it was the closure of getting it out there. 


i know that he never read this, but it was for him:


BOOM! and yes, you had it coming. I was your FRIEND and I loved you, you left me! it's not like I was someone you fucked and kinda loved! we were FRIENDS and you LEFT!! I didn't even get to say goodbye. so yeah, I exploded, take it. it's owed and yes, I'm sorry. and yes, I'm done now. I know you've probably "unfriended" me. but then, I think you did THAT a long time ago.


and at that point, i kind of wanted him to "forgive" me. for what, i have no cunting clue. i didn't do shit wrong. if he sincerely wanted to help me "get over this" like he said he did. he'd take this shit and say, yeah, OK. but instead, he ran away... (i have a strange sense of déjà vu)


fast forward through a day of emotional eating...... 


i realized: 
i don't want to be friends with someone who doesn't really remember being a complete fucking shit to me and is "sorry, but it was a long time ago." 


over it.